In Honor of Valentines

Valentines Day is a weird day for me. With very few exceptions, I’m usually single this time of the year (mostly due to me prioritizing my efforts on school and work), and, while I feel alone, I tend to get used to it. I’m generally a solitary guy, so as much as I do want to find the girl of my dreams, I’m used to it - not content, but used to it. With that in mind though, if I could date the girl of my dreams, who would she be and what would I do on this day known for romance?

The Girl:
As much as this sounds cliche, when envisioning the ideal girl I would like to get married to, I don’t envision physicality. Sure, if she looks hot that is totally a plus, but to be honest it’s not that much of a priority to me. With that being said though, the first thing I’m looking for is someone who, while very kind-hearted, is very much a take-charge person. While this might be probably be due to the fact that I’m a pretty passive and agreeable guy in most situations, it is also because frankly I want someone who is there to help me become the man that Heavenly Father wants me to be and the future father my children deserve. I want someone who is frankly a little “nerdy”: someone who enjoys having conversations about movies, comics, video games… you name it. If they have musical abilities, I would also like someone who could share in my interests in music: someone who likes participating in local bands/choirs and loves to uplift others through the gift of music. Most importantly, though, I am looking for someone who has a testimony of the gospel - someone who is from a faithful Latter-day Saint family who, like me, wants to raise our children in the Church - the one thing that helped me out when trouble struck my life as a teenager and the one thing which I know can help my children in the various trails they will face in life. Overall, I personally am looking for someone who is outgoing and loving; someone who loves talking about geeky stuff and sharing their talents with the world; someone who won’t let anything be placed between them and the Holy Ghost.

The Date:
For Valentines, I really don’t know what I would do. On the one hand, because I tend to like going big when it comes to dates, perhaps I’d take her to a fancy dinner or, better yet, someplace I know she loves. Maybe I’d spend money on tickets to a concert or theatre production over at the local university - ending off the evening conversing on our thoughts on the show and what we liked or disliked about it. Or, perhaps, maybe I’d do something simple: knowing how busy I am this time of year and how busy she might be, too, I might instead opt for a homecooked meal that I prepared - choosing to end off the date with a conversation about each of our days and a film that, admittedly, she might like more than I do.

While I recognize that these are hypotheticals and will probably not happen this year, I wouldn’t lie when I say I wish this was my life at the moment. While I know I should be content in my status life at the moment, I won’t lie when I say that there might be more I could do if I sincerely wanted to find that special someone. Still, though, rather than dreaming about the things I wish I had at this point in my life, maybe I should be a little more grateful of the blessings the Lord has already given me. Whether it be the life experiences I have had thus far in my life time, the blessing of being in a great university such as BYU, or the mere people the Lord has already blessed me to associate with, each of these are small and simple blessings which I should not take for granted. Maybe, if I really want to get out of this rut of singlehood, I could also exercise a bit more confidence in myself by actually taking the time to get to know those I surround myself with on a daily basis. Whether it be in my classes, my workplace, or even my ward, there are many people I know whose faces I recognize but have never tried to actually get to know. Maybe I could also try to get out of my comfort zone by sharing those gifts which the Lord has blessed me with. For instance, I hear on almost a weekly basis people commenting about how good my voice sounds. Maybe I could try to share this gift of music more somehow? Regardless, while these are my eventual hopes and dreams when I find that special someone, until then I should do all I can to make the best out of my situation.

To close off this week’s thoughts, here’s a good scripture from the Book of Mormon I could take into my life this week: "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” (2nd Nephi 25:23)

Understanding Who I Am

Anomaly (n) - something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected.

Hello, my name is Eric. I'm a 20-something college student at Brigham Young University - a Social Science major, in fact. Being a Mormon (like 99.9% of the population here), I'm also a faithful Latter-day Saint: I pay my tithing, actively attend church meetings, and fulfill whatever is asked of me. So with all this being said, why do I feel like I'm different?

Well let's start with the second sentence. Being a 20-something Social Science major, what would you think I would be as a person? Would I be the Bernie Sanders-supporting, Trump-hating, Social Justice warrior who gets offended at almost everything while consistently "checking my white privilege?" Nope! Sure, I can't stand Trump for the person he is (I'll leave his policies aside at the moment), and I think his comments about women in the past are totally reprehensible, but I am not triggered when I see my friends support him. Neither am I a Berner. Yes, while at one point I would have sympathized with progressive ideas such as Single-Payer healthcare (let alone Obamacare) or a "living wage," after my brief time in Canada on my mission, I kinda got scared straight past conservatism into being a Libertarian. Clearly in that sense, my life as a Social Scientist at a University - a position statistically overflooded with leftist progressivism - I'm clearly a bit of an outsider.

As for being a member of the Church, on top of being the only active member of my family (with the rest either inactive or non-members who align themselves with Evangelical Christianity), I'm also kinda odd in the fact that, in spite of the fact I'm in my mid-20s, I'm still very much single. Do I want to be? No, in fact, I really want to live a "normal" Mormon life with a loving wife and a family of my own, but I haven't yet found somebody who could take me to that point. It is honestly the most excruciatingly difficult part about my membership in the Church: knowing that couples get married very rapidly in this sort of environment (far faster than being outside of the Church), it is easy to feel left out and alone - like you know you need to be somewhere, but the destination hasn't been made known to you yet. I think, of all other things, this is the hardest part of being an Anomaly in the LDS church: I just want to feel that joy which comes from receiving all of the blessings of the Gospel, but sitting alone in a one-person bedroom reminds you that you're not all the way there yet. Added to the fact that, in spite of my intelligence, knack for computers, and musical capabilities, I still feel quite insignificant to the average guy, I always have the fear that this is my lot in life. No wonder why my scant opportunities in dating seem so terrifying.

All in all, much of the purpose of this blog is to help me as I try to understand my reality as a Twentysomething Anomaly. This might come off very stream-of-consciousness, and maybe it might border on being overly personal, but I need to figure this life out - and writing it may be the only way to help. I have other anomalous aspects of me I don't feel ready to delve into yet, but I hope that I may one day treat this as an open book. I also hope that somehow maybe some of what makes me such an outsider may be resolved - particularly in regards to my love life. As I said, I have yet to find someone, but I hope as this blog continues forth this may soon change. If I can't (or choose not to) resolve these anomalies, at least I hope that this will serve as a tool to help me come to grips with who I am and how I can turn those unique attributes I consider weaknesses into strengths that can make me a better person to both society and to those whom I love or will love. 

Stay tuned...