Understanding Who I Am

Anomaly (n) - something that deviates from what is standard, normal, or expected.

Hello, my name is Eric. I'm a 20-something college student at Brigham Young University - a Social Science major, in fact. Being a Mormon (like 99.9% of the population here), I'm also a faithful Latter-day Saint: I pay my tithing, actively attend church meetings, and fulfill whatever is asked of me. So with all this being said, why do I feel like I'm different?

Well let's start with the second sentence. Being a 20-something Social Science major, what would you think I would be as a person? Would I be the Bernie Sanders-supporting, Trump-hating, Social Justice warrior who gets offended at almost everything while consistently "checking my white privilege?" Nope! Sure, I can't stand Trump for the person he is (I'll leave his policies aside at the moment), and I think his comments about women in the past are totally reprehensible, but I am not triggered when I see my friends support him. Neither am I a Berner. Yes, while at one point I would have sympathized with progressive ideas such as Single-Payer healthcare (let alone Obamacare) or a "living wage," after my brief time in Canada on my mission, I kinda got scared straight past conservatism into being a Libertarian. Clearly in that sense, my life as a Social Scientist at a University - a position statistically overflooded with leftist progressivism - I'm clearly a bit of an outsider.

As for being a member of the Church, on top of being the only active member of my family (with the rest either inactive or non-members who align themselves with Evangelical Christianity), I'm also kinda odd in the fact that, in spite of the fact I'm in my mid-20s, I'm still very much single. Do I want to be? No, in fact, I really want to live a "normal" Mormon life with a loving wife and a family of my own, but I haven't yet found somebody who could take me to that point. It is honestly the most excruciatingly difficult part about my membership in the Church: knowing that couples get married very rapidly in this sort of environment (far faster than being outside of the Church), it is easy to feel left out and alone - like you know you need to be somewhere, but the destination hasn't been made known to you yet. I think, of all other things, this is the hardest part of being an Anomaly in the LDS church: I just want to feel that joy which comes from receiving all of the blessings of the Gospel, but sitting alone in a one-person bedroom reminds you that you're not all the way there yet. Added to the fact that, in spite of my intelligence, knack for computers, and musical capabilities, I still feel quite insignificant to the average guy, I always have the fear that this is my lot in life. No wonder why my scant opportunities in dating seem so terrifying.

All in all, much of the purpose of this blog is to help me as I try to understand my reality as a Twentysomething Anomaly. This might come off very stream-of-consciousness, and maybe it might border on being overly personal, but I need to figure this life out - and writing it may be the only way to help. I have other anomalous aspects of me I don't feel ready to delve into yet, but I hope that I may one day treat this as an open book. I also hope that somehow maybe some of what makes me such an outsider may be resolved - particularly in regards to my love life. As I said, I have yet to find someone, but I hope as this blog continues forth this may soon change. If I can't (or choose not to) resolve these anomalies, at least I hope that this will serve as a tool to help me come to grips with who I am and how I can turn those unique attributes I consider weaknesses into strengths that can make me a better person to both society and to those whom I love or will love. 

Stay tuned...